The Moment – a poem

Even tho I had no real relief from my suffering for another couple months until I had my first ERCP from John Martin in late Jan/2011, I  endured better. From that moment on I began to find it in me to go to bible study meetings with my sister’s church group. At the end they would pray for me and I would pray with them. That community along with several other prayer communities added much appreciated power for me to meet each new day and more importantly each night…for nights were always the hardest. 7/11/19

The Moment

Day after day,

Week after week,

Month after month,

With only my body bag holding on

To a mere thread of frayed connection

To an invisible source.

Only able to sleep

I don’t know how…

Probably at sheer exhaustion

For an hour in a day,

Unable to find the least comfort in temperature

Or position

My skin erupting like bubbling lava

Unquenched.

I’m tired

So tired,

I yell out

Sometimes in anger

Usually in piteous moan

What could I have possibly done

What could my father have possibly done

To deserve this fate?

My voice more and more

Fills an empty chamber,

Turns hallow

Eventually speaking not a word.

God can’t be listening

I have lost most everything

But this one breath.

I seem so close to an end, 

I have let go so completely

that it clearly seems

That a final one 

Was a vexing choice

And in the vexing place

transformed to so sweet a spot.

and in that so sweet a spot,

I stood in a threshold 

With suffering behind me 

And I know not what before me.

There was a peace waiting 

And I choose to take another breath

and another

and another until 

I don’t choose anymore

Whatever came came.

Meaning incredibly returned.

There was no fight

Only a sweet act of will. 

It didn’t matter one way or the other.

 

2 thoughts on “The Moment – a poem

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