This is a compilation of entries from August through December 2019
My last posts were two poems that gave an energetic place for the suffering and dying experiences to have shape. This opened up something in my experience, my more creative side, in my writing. I like what I got some inkling for. I saw the value it has of putting into words what is very difficult to understand in other ways. Many artists touch this place in their drawings or sculpture or music or poetry.
I also talked about the latest ERCP, prayer and Clare. As quick follow up to my August 2019, Univ of Washington transplant evaluations and consultations, blood tests has returned to healthy normal ranges. They were allowing me to lower my dosages on rejection meds again on my advocacy for that. I still hold on to the notion that my body can fully accept and transform this liver into ME thereby removing the need to fight rejection which would eliminate the rejection meds. I also would love to have the peripheral neuropathy lessen in my hands and feet. I also have been observing that my blood pressure has been increasing over time getting into the 150+/90+ area, sometimes higher. It is one of the side effects of the meds. So now I am in the mode of discovery to find out whether I can lessen this effect through natural means. I will be starting a program of nutritional supplements to throw a good amount of extra support into my cardiovascular system. I also, have been changing my inner awareness/thoughts to open more doors to balance this drug effect. One of the more significant inspirations along these lines has come from a book, Dying to be Me by Anita Moorjani (I am in the process of writing a book review/commentary about it, mostly as a writing practice). She experienced a near death experience/NDE as she was about to pass away from a 4 year journey with terminal cancer. In that short journey out of her body and down the tunnel of connection, if it’s fair to use her as a template, we apparently all pass through this type experience to the other side, she experienced herself as a pure, magnificent spirit, free of all conflict in her mind and body! Guess what? Upon return back, the cancer disappeared not to her surprise but to everyone else’s. This experience of pure magnificence is what I am making steps towards…without having to die first. I do know from experience what it feels like to be in my body AND free of my body at the same time. Commonly we experience this when our brain is in theta wave which is a wavelength we pass through going into and out of sleep, also in some meditative states and perhaps in some drug induced states from cannabis and psychedelics. I believe that the difference maker is in the area of intention as far as launching a prolonged healing of disease. I’ve learned that there are only about 3500 cases of documented NDEs and brain waves are not measured with these experiences that I know of. So bottom line…I’m in process. We’ll see how it comes out.
I do blood test pretty regularly and the last one (Sept 29) showed that my liver enzymes are rising again. UW thinks it is the lowering of my meds that is driving it. I’m not so sure yet. We are in another process of raising them again. My followup blood work (Oct 11) now shows the enzymes rising at an alarming rate yet again even with the raise in medication dosages. Again, as has been my intuition, it is not rejection but stent failure/obstruction. I am scheduled for another ERCP on Friday, Nov 1. Please send your prayers to Dr. Balmadrid for his continued stealth and steady hand in another discovery and stent replacement.
I DID NOT SEND THIS UPDATE THEN. I THOUGHT I’D WAIT TIL AFTER TO REPORT THE USUAL GOOD NEWS AFTER NOVEMBER 1st. TO BE CONTINUED…
In the weeks prior to heading to Seattle for the Nov. 1 ERCP, I continued to decline to the point where when I got on the plane to fly there that morning I hadn’t slept in 3 days, had a low grade fever, the bilirubin had built up in my system to a high degree causing constant itching, my urine had been agent orange color for weeks and feeling like I was peeing out fire. The procedure went very well as usual and with Clare at my side, all the better. The procedure was a late morning one on that Friday. I was released in the mid afternoon. Clare accompanied me to my usual UW guest accommodations where I planned on resting/sleeping overnight so that I could return Saturday. However, by 10pm that night, I broke into a very high fever, chills and within an hour was vomiting. We were forced to go the ER where we spent the night me going through scans and blood tests, etc., talking to various docs, hooked up to a boatload of antibiotics and fever reducers, hydration drips while my dear Clare without a place to rest herself eventually curled up on the floor and apparently fell asleep. I was admitted to the hospital in the early morning Saturday being finally told that the way forward was unknown and of uncertain duration. Clare had to cancel my flight back not knowing when I would be able to go. Clare was unprepared physically and emotionally to handle all this uncertainty and opened up to me about it. It was a challenging morning. She needed support. Serendipitously, Pam, a dear friend from Boise felt compelled to just get on a plane to be here for me and Clare. This knowledge came as much needed support for Clare and by that afternoon Pam was there too. Around that same time, my fever broke and I was able to fall asleep later in the evening after Clare arranged a mobile massage therapist to make the first ever visit to see a patient in this hospital. Having slept all night for the first time in days, I was in very good spirits on Sunday morning. Clare also made many calls to friends and family over that time to keep at least some people apprised of the situation. I was informed that I would be released later that afternoon. Clare had some vital regenerative soul work to do that evening, Pam accompanied me back to the guest house for even more sleep. We all met for a traditional and celebratory breakfast at Portage Bay, a most sumptuous restaurant in the U district. One of Clare’s dear friends took Pam and I to the airport and I was in my own bed later on Monday. I began a slower but steady recovery with only great thanks to so many friends and prayers and doctors and nurses and Christ and those wonderful invisible cohorts that guide and support not only my life but all our lives whether we know it or not.
I’ve been given another goal of trying to make it with the current stents for 5 months and take it from there.
I sit here two days before Thanksgiving breathing in the sweetness of life and the radiance of God surrounding all of us…and within me…
And now again, in mid December fully engaged in a life still unfolding with meaning and new purposes. This is my life journey and I accept as much as I am able. Back to work with being a sports official in the evenings, a rideshare driver whenever the spirit moves me, and now after a month of online chiropractic continuing educational course work, I’ve have relicensed myself as of Monday, December 9! I am planning on finding a way to be of service to others again in the healing arts in 2020.
Much love to all who follow…and many who don’t! Thank you, thank you.
December 13, 2019